The Power of Prayer

It is a very interesting day. I am sitting at home after not setting foot in this place for over 24 hours. It is an interesting akwardness when you walk into your own place and there is no one there that you really want to see or deal with because you are dealing with your own issues and sins. 

But the fact of the matter is that this life is not all about you. It is about You and the people around you. I am in a house with tow old people in which I am not sure how to deal with neccessarily. I am truly seeking my Lord in prayer. 

This is the beauty and power of prayer. We must pray when we have no where to go or do not understand what is going on around us. I do not want to get in the way of anyones purpose even when I do not understand what they are doing. So when I do not understand I pray.

I pray mostly because if I do not pray I just might react unjustly and truly hurt or interrupt a situation that God Himself has ordained.... I think. Needless to say this is a time, today is a day where I do not feel very connected to my family and the people that I love. I do not even feel very connected or in touch with myself. I just want to hide and act like I do not see or know what is going on in my own house. 

I pray that the Lord reconciles these feelings and my actions of running the opposite direction and not helping or getting involved. Sometimes I feel like things are not fair. And the point is it is not fair but that doesn't mean I have the right or option to not engage..... interesting....

My Prayer: that the Lord forgive me of my sins. That He shows me how to overcome my own issues with things and the people that I love around me. That He shows me how to engage correctly and how to stay balanced at the same time. That in order to help I do not have to loose myself in it. That the Holy Spirit shows me how I can help. In the name of Jesus. AMEN!!

Till next time....

Dancing Mmmaaaaccchhhhhhiiiinnnnneeee!!!

So I don't know about you but for me I feel horrible when I have my ipod on and a song comes on that just sends my spirit into a whirlwind of crazy dancing energy.

But what really happens in these moments? You are in the middle of a cross section waiting for the light and people are all around you... this is not the time to get away with a little two step jig.... AAAHHH!! This is pain staking for a dancer! None the less the average Joe or Jane with rhythm!!!

All of a sudden you are at a cross section making torn decisions and having to display a serious sense of self control because the rhythm of the music is compelling your body to just let loose and let go (uh and drop it to tha flo...) Yeah now it's a choice do you look crazy or do you keep yourself together and suppress it all in.

I hate this point because it never fails..... I always..... ALWAYS!!...... keep it together.......

Ooh! But sometimes I just want to break out in song and dance and live out my own musical or better yet my own fly ass music video! Oh God! if my life were just a fly ass music video it would be CRAZY!!! My body would be extra tight I would be the dopest clothes, I could drop it like it's hot and be provocative without many consequences..... aahhh! The good life....

But all at the same time, like this morning for example I was actually jammin' to gospel music on my way into work this morning. I was feeling so blessed and so alive that I wanted to get down and PRAISE HIM!! But non, non, non, I was self composed (okay I definitely tapped my foot and snapped my fingers) got on the elevator and rode up to the 4th floor and did not turn off my ipod until I got to my desk!!!

WHUD UP NOW SUCKAAAAA!!!! I am such the rebel ;-P

until tomorrow playboy's.....

The Bird, Bird, Bird, the Bird is the Word....

Aiight peoples! It is Wednesday!! Officially hump day. And the only solace that I get from today is that 1.) I am alive one more day to see me conquer another battle getting me closer to the amazing woman I am to become. 2.) It assures me that time does fly and the end of the month is almost here. Soon it will be the end of another month and so on and so on.... 3.) It reminds me that Friday is around the corner and that I will have at least 1 day this weekend to just focus on me...

Anyway, there is no amazing news to tell or ponder on. I woke up this morning with a little more pep and fire under my ass to get things going. These days I have dedicated myself to living a much more disciplined life. I am honestly trying to get myself in an affordable apartment within this year. I spoke with my aunt and she said to aim for next year but I know that this is not a good idea. I will aim for this year and if I fall short at least I will be in an apartment by next year.

However, 1 thing my aunt did say that was really good was get yourself out of as much debt as possible now so that if disaster strikes and you have no job your debt does not build it stays low or non existent. Now that I strongly agree with .... I will devote my efforts to that. My money will work towards getting out of debt 1st and for most my credit card debt. I still have to pay over 2K off of my credit card. This is ridiculous!!

Anyway enough of me going into detail on my money plans.... The point is I am dedicating myself to being more disciplined. Like for example I have always wanted a nice looking body so I am fighting myself and the snow and going to the gym despite the fact of the weather and that my body hurts already. I want to work out at least 3 times a week and one of those times in the morning (this maybe the most challenging).

Also I am really in the need of a place to crash for the next few months seeing that my grandmother is bringing the church back into the house/ her house. It is one of those odd situations where I do not want to be in the house because I do not feel comfortable with running into church people when I am just trying to chill and relax at home.... I feel I will retreat more on the weekends because of this. Anyway we will see....

Center arms, wing flaps, back of thighs, love handles, side of boobs, and bottom of the bum all target areas for tonights workout and oh yeah cardio!! Stairs I think..... hmm.....

Godspeed!

Paitience, Stay true to me, being challenged & hair troubles....

Okay so here I am u little irritated that my hair is not looking as hot as I would love it to look. I worked out last night and now today of course it is coarse! Not polished and layered....

I don't want to sound like a typical black woman trying to hide her ethnic identity but I am not sure of what to do with my hair! I want to be able to workout get my body right and for my hair to stay sexy (of course this is my interpretation based off the fact that black beauty is still compared to and in reference to what white beauty is - but anyway). I enjoy having and afro when it is time for an afro buut at the same time if I want to have straight hair flowy etc I want to be able to do that as well. Then comes the pride of not using fake hair or weave, not being "unbeweavable" as I like to peg the term but now I am just not sure.

I am a woman who likes to have my cake and eat it to. Now not the whole cake, just a slice I mean shyt it's my cake how much sense does it make not to eat a piece of your own cake??? HELLO!!! Anyway what I am trying to say is that I enjoy having different options with my hair. I want to be able to do what I want with my hair and be able to workout. I do not what to have to give up a nice body for nice looking hair (my hair) or give up nice looking hair for a nice body. There has to be a way to have both!!

I will be investigating this until I find it. I may have to spend money on weave or eventually go au natural but either way I will find out the best option for me to be able to enjoy having a nice figure and having nice hair and style. This will require patience ... my next topic...

When I typically right on my blog I am conveniently at my desk at work.... What is slightly disturbing is that I have time to write on this blog. Which ultimately means I am not working. But is it that I am not working because my ass is lazy and procrastinating or is it that I am really just sitting here with no work to do. AH HA!! Mon ami! It is the latter! There isn't enough work for me to stay busy. So while at work I do my own work and live a few different lives, I have even sent out resumes to other prospective companies to work for (so sadd I know).

Anyway though in the midst of it all I am trying to be patient. I am trying to figure out what to do with this company. I am not going to stay here for ever, but I also need to be patient for the possible blessing to come to fulfillment here. Sometimes I forget the saints of old had to wait a very long time before they saw the amazing successes that they are associated with now.

I too will have to learn how to wait my turn and exercise this strength not just for my own good but also as a rite of passage.

Anyway the last thing I wanted to talk about was that now that I am blogging I am noticing other peoples blogs. Of course as I am looking at there's I am like "dang, I wouldn't mind having that on my blog" or "Wow! look at their blog, mine is so bland... :-( " but I am encouraging myself that although challenging yourself to stretch and try new things and suck at them possibly is a good thing, because it builds character I am telling myself that ultimately do not compare, learn from others but stay true to you.

Blogging is an outlet for me to express myself, Whatever is in my mind at the time comes out and I get to see the thread of my thought process as well as analyze my writing style. This is more what my blogs essence is about because I want to be a producer and writer so ultimately I have to write. It is actually an asset to me. Not to say I will not push myself to put some tweaks on the blogs page here and there but I will stay true to myself and my style.

I am a writer and producer. Thank you!

Obesity & the Church...

I just saw an album on Facebook with all these amazing young Christians. My heart goes out to them for being sold out for Jesus however, I could not shake my disappointment and honestly disgust at the large amounts of.... well.... large people within the group.

I know the Lord loves all His children this I do not argue with or deny. I may look decent and fit on the outside but what is the most important and crucial for my life after death is the beauty, health and condition of my soul & spirit....

But you cannot tell me that God the Almighty, perfect God is sooo involved with out spiritual health and growth that He doesn't care, disregards or is more lenient on our physical health!?! I just cannot believe that or buy into that. I am not perfect in any means but one thing that I am sure of. One thing that I am positive of, is that our God created us in His image, in His likeness, sickness & death do not come from Him. Nor does obesity, laziness, high blood pressure, stress, diabetes, cancer, HIV/AIDS, acne and more....

How are we treating ourselves? I know that in Galatians it calls us to live a "free" life but a free life consistent with the Spirit of God. He has called us to be healthy beautiful beings in His image and in His likeness. He is Love, He is Beauty, He is balanced and He is pure.

It really hurts my heart to see so many Christians who are obese and not healthy especially at such a young age. You cannot tell me that the world is suppose to have all the "healthy", "good looking", "well built" or "fit" people. Honestly it is slightly depressing and not encouraging at all for young hopeful Christian men and women who want to marry a strong believer but have to do more work to look past the outer image and see the heart of the man or woman. God is able to see our hearts the easiest we on the other hand are still human. We are still drawn in by attraction.

We wonder why the church doesn't have many good looking people attending or such strong believers that's because the world scoops them up quickly because it give them more people to "relate" too and look good with. It is soo so for me to go to church and be soo numb to who's around me. I rarely feel the need to look good and present myself very nice because I do not feel that truly around me.

Yet if you tell me (or any of us for that matter) to get ready for a wedding, the club, a dinner party OH! OH! guess who's trying to drop a few pounds? Guess who is trying to make sure to look extra fine and feel extra good cause 'u just don't know who's watchin...' Now, now do not misunderstand what I am saying. I am not saying be looking all hot and tempting to church to try and hook yourself a spouse... no when we enter the house of the Lord our focus should be on Him. But notice that I am saying it is not a balanced/healthy perspective that we have of church and how we should participate as church goers. If anything we should be attracting the secular world to be more like us. Balanced, loving, strong, repentant, forgiving, progressive, optimistic, good looking, healthy, nicely presentable, successful, victorious, admirable... and the list goes on....

So far I do not know many churches as a whole where this is actually the norm and the world is being attracted to learn more about our faith, our God, His Son, and the Holy Spirit.

I beg and plead with my brothers and sisters in the faith to wake up not just in your spirit but in your body, in your mind, in you finances, in your hopes, and in your dreams!!! Do not be so heaven bound that you are no earthly good! Do not be so consumed with the evils of this world that you miss the blessings from above. Do not envy the world or evil peoples lives. But do not be so lowly and humble that you allow this world to trample over you. Do not be so spiritually involved within your own life that you have disconnected to this world for the children of this world are very keen and ready to climb or surpass us by any means.

We must as the scripture says in Matthew 10:16 "...be as shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves." It is key for us to actually be able to be progressive without being offensive to others and ourselves. All that to say is- be balanced under the grace of God, do not let go of yourself but as Christians even more so get yourselves together. Get healthy not only spiritually but physically, emotionally, goal orientally and financially in order to do the full work the Lord has given for you to do.

Thank you,

-J.

The Muse.... Me

I mentioned in one of my past posts that I am reading "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield. Well I finished reading the book and hilariously enough I am rereading it again, this time taking my time reading it and highlighting points and phrases that really strike a cord with me. 

One thing I am noticing through this book is my lack of discipline in a lot of things as well as my commitment issues.  Through this book I have been able to identify them all as part of 'Resistance'. It is not easy to be disciplined and not lean toward doing what you would prefer to do over what you need to do in order to get you to your ideals and goals.

It isn't easy for me to workout as much as I need to workout in order for me to have the body that I have always want or dream about having. But I need to do it, despite the hair issues I am concerned about or being tired after work or wanting to sleep more before work... yeah I am not a fan of waking up at ridiculous times in the morning to workout. 

Or for another example, in order for me to get the 1 bedroom apt that I would like to have getting disciplined in saving my money and not spending money on breakfast and lunch (and dinners) 4 or 5 times a week.... Discipline.... ughk!!!

Anyway, my girlfriend Michele is making these fly earrings with peoples pictures on them and I want some so she asked me to send her some pictures that I would want on earrings. And all I keep thinking of are these older pictures of me in Tucson, AZ when I did a mini photo shoot in the desert and took some really good pictures. I just now have to battle laziness and find the disc that has those pictures alter them and send them to her.... 

Why those pictures??? you ask... because cause the pictures catch a part of of me at my most free-est time in life. Those pictures catch my essence, My Muse if you will..... ME......

Let's do this.... 

Love and peace, I can't wait until summer.....

-J.

People Just ain't ready!!

So while sippin' on my morning coffee (I am not an avid coffee drinker just every once in awhile), finishing up my toasted sesame bagel with butter and reviewing my Facebook page. I cannot notice the positive change or positive language people have on their status bars.

"Kimberly Loewen is positive energy", "Travail D wants to leave a LEGACY... ", "Joseph Virga is now 35".... well I am not so sure if he meant that positively, at first I thought so but now I am not so sure.... but whatever. I am happy reflecting with others right now!

And I just can't shake this feeling of goodness in 2009! All I hear in my spirit today is "They not ready! People just ain't ready for the goodness about to happen!!" What goodness? you ask....

I believe the goodness that is in us all. The goodness that we want to truly live out and experience. It has been proven over and over again (for some reason I typed those words out with Beyonce's voice singing Luther Vandross's 'Closer I get to You' -- "over & over again, I tried to tell myself the we..." -- sorry mental note - aaannnyyywwwaaayyyy.....) that it is much easier for humans to think negatively than positively. We frown more and smile less.... Isn't that interesting!?!?!?!

But the time is now for us to truly believe in ourselves. The one thing I really have taken away from this past week witnessing a man of color become the Commander in Chief of one of the most powerful nations in history is that: YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE YOU ARE SOMEBODY TO BE SOMEBODY and even more so TO SEE YOURSELF BECOME THAT SOMEBODY!!!

I do believe (ughk! sorry guyz once again I typed those words and thought of the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz: "I do believe in ghost, I do believe in ghost, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I doo .... but I digress...) that I am SOMEBODY amazing. Sent here to this earth, created to accomplish something no one has truly done before, to break open a barrier that was set before people and to inspire and help others come to their full potential.

I do believe I was sent here to be a creator, an innovator, an artist, a mother to many, a companion, a daughter, a teacher, a preacher, a lover, a singer, a poet, a dancer, a producer of many & much, a counselor, a best friend, a good wife, a leader, a servant, a caretaker, a giver, a bride, a warrior, a merchant of hope, a writer, a fighter, a peace maker, a party goer, a humble & quiet person, a vessel of the Almighty God - here to accomplish what He created me to accomplish way before He created the earth but knew me in spirit as He/She is full, is all Spirit.

This is a mighty time! Do not as the proverbs say "get caught sleeping or become too lazy and wonder why you have no harvest in harvest season...*" we must all work and work hard. We must all come under the grace of God to see the fruits of our labor and to act wisely as we are laboring and pursuing our destiny even while we are not sure or clear what it is yet...

As Dr Martin Luther King Jr said "Do not be concerned with how high the staircase reaches or how many steps you have to climb, but just place one foot in front the other and be concerned with the step in front of you... *"

That's all for today - let me act like I have a job - good day all!

* = paraphrased

44th President Inauguation still in my bones....

So,

I made it. I went to the 44th Inauguration of my U.S. President Barack Hussein Obama!!! I am sooo proud, so happy, and still excited from the Inauguration and for the Obama's as a whole.

We have been through a lot as a country and as people in general but this is an amazing time to be alive and to be inspired. I am holding on to every feeling and ounce of joy/excitement that I have in my heart right now because I really do need it. This year will be a great year!!! This are transforming. Winter is not just winter anymore in the glow of the transition and shift happening in this country. It is a beautiful thing!!

A mighty beautiful thing.

I am seriously and honestly reassessing why I am where I am. And what I must do to keep pushing ahead/further. I am getting tired of second best not even of struggling & striving. I am looking to overcome & conquer. All this things come with a consequence or an effect. You/ we must be ready for that. There is work in planting a field in order to have harvest. That is the truth!!

I just thank God for giving me life, talent, brain/wit, ideas, faith & hope that I can achieve and I will achieve. You really do have to believe that your dreams are not unachievable but fully and ultimately FOR YOU!!! No other options or alternatives.....

That in it self is hard to even fathom for people non the less to continue believing even when many things around you just say to stop, give up, it's not for you, be realistic, common, average, don't be greedy, who do you think you are? and many more things...

Be Good, Live well, Live Godly, Live Magnificently...

And as Rev. Joseph Echols Lowery said AMEN, AMEN, and AMEN....

Excitement!!

So this week coming will be the Inauguration of the 44th President Barack Obama. I am soo excited. I am still trying to get may butt to DC this weekend. I took off both Monday MLK Day as well as Tuesday Inauguration Day!!!

I am just happy, excited and cautious!! I am praying and believing everything will come together and work that I can go and at least be able to get a glimpse of the the family with my own two 20/20 vision eyes, not on the television screen.

This a journey of faith that many are to scared to do. I am taking a stand and stepping towards more and my own freedom/transformation. As our nation and world will be watching.

Bless God!!

The War of Art...

SO, I am reading this book called "The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles" by Steven Pressfield. Amazing!!!. Is all I have to say....

It is definitely a book that when you read it - while you're reading it you are thinking I have to read this book again right after I finish it. Ironically I have the same thoughts when I masturbate or while having sex - but then I get tired or fall asleep and then who knows when the next time is ....... uh ... yeah....but I digress.....

The point of the book is to fight your inner struggles as a person trying to produce life. The life you were made to live. I am not talking about luxury or fantasy- music video -poppin' bottles life (although i don't mind and think I will live that life). But the life made to achieve purpose. Whether it is as great as finding a cure for AIDS or just loving the children of your neighborhood to the utmost. There is reason in our breathe. And because of that reason is why we face opposition at every turn - this opposition is what Pressfield calls 'Resistance'. Now for those of you who know scripture or believe in God we know it is part of the dark force in which Pressfield actually calls this out.

This book is so amazing and so complex that it is way more than a creative inspirational temporary satisfaction or gratificational* book, that you read, get hyped, put it down and forget about it. It is a book that brings on strong conviction for the people who are really ready to Win and up for the fight. Real warriors, who don't mind going through pain and misery to see the possibilities of true freedom from the apathetic life or The Matrix, as I refer to it. Don't get me wrong sometimes I think taking the blue pill ain't so bad - no fighting, being numb, just busy living to die - ahh the good life. But nope, nope some of us take the red pill and are not satisfied with a "good life" we want and seek for more - the best!!! The nerve!! So with that we choose to die trying to live!!! DAMN, DAMN, DDDAAAMMMNNN!!

God wills us breathe today. And each we are given the gift of breathe we sit and choose the red or the blue pill...

Well my friends if you have the time and the courage to push forward I would encourage you to pick up this book at your local bookstore. And I am sure within the 1st few pages it will move you to do something, possibly something great, but definitely something.

It moved me to start a BLOG for goodness sake!! I talk to myself all the time (in my head, not out loud) and think that what I am thinking is half crazy & half brilliant/ prophetic. But this? I stopped thinking and took the time to make it public, not personal. I stopped being scared of the potential judgment of how others would view my thoughts and now have gone public. AHH!!!

It is an odd feeling. I can imagine the closest thing to this type of exposure would be going topless on a Brazilian beach! It's very hot and feels great but the reality is your are partially nude and available for others to see! Yipes!! I hope this is a good "Titalizing" sensation.... (pun intended). I mean I always was a bit perky.... ;-)

* gratificational is not a word (yet) but utilizing true ebonics flare I have made it work within this piece - WHAT!?!

Black Hand Side....

Welcome to Jbrandee's Black Hand Side Blog!!!

In light of the New Year and a New President Elect (Young Jeezy "My President is Black!...") I have decided to push myself as well. I am pushing myself to sit down and write. Write, write, write, not worrying about grammar, not worrying about politics, just getting whatever it is God put in my mind and my heart out!

This is good creative exercise. So feel free to encourage, read, dis, whatever you wanna do. I would encourage you to do the same get out there and fight the resistance that tries to keep you from doing what you were born to do.

Peace,

-J.