The "What if?" Anxiety...

So one of my biggest fears is not the from the "what if I do _xy&z__?" My biggest fear stems from "what if I do not do _xy&z_?" hmm... let me make this clear....

There are a lot of things I am just not interested in doing like for example ... going to the moon! Now however, if someone came up to me and told me that straight up, legit they would love to put me on a shuttle to moon for free!! Then my fear will kick in... not necessarily because it's the moon.. but more so because of the opportunity. I don't care for past opportunities to haunt me.... It's like for real is the moon that serious? I mean but it is a free trip and a once in a life time opportunity? What always seems to be the #1 question that gets a response out of me is...."If passing this up, will I live wondering what would have happened if I ever went to the moon?" As I think of it now... I would probably say yes even with the high rate of death, and health issues that comes from a space trip but there is also a high success rate of people in space and making it back down to earth "What if I could be that person?"

I would rather take my chances and have a story to tell my grandchildren (Lord willing) then to be telling a story of how someone gave me the invitation to go I said 'No' and now I wonder what would have happened of become of me if I said 'Yes'...." Not cool!!!

This week has been filled with these type of questions... They are really rocking my soul! Slightly nerve racking!

I feel like I am standing on the edge of life and having to make a jump... better yet I feel like I am Neo sitting in front of Morpheus being given the decision of taking the red pill or the blue pill.... It is that intense.... We will see how I wake up... I do not want to live with regret and I want the best for myself yet the best may not always be comfortable... you make wake up in a very strange, intense, and raw world ... but the full understanding of life your life is what is beautiful....

I'm Out!
-J.