The power of Struggling....

When you are struggling with being good and being your best.... things can get a real dicy....

God's best is THE BEST for all of us... but how do we identify God's best? What does that mean? Who is God? What or Why is His Best the Best? Why or How is His best the perfect way for you to go? How does God's perfect will compare to the worlds best plan for you?

These are the questions in my mind. These are the questions that as I read the scriptures and try to weigh out my options knowing good and well that I truly want the Lord to be pleased with me and know that deep in my heart His best is THE BEST for me I still have questions, concerns and doubts...

The devil is a liar! However, we are humans and we have to rationalize everything. This whole faith walk thing is not just about what religion you follow and if you believe in Jesus Christ. It is not just about if you believe that Jesus Christ is the Savior or not. It is not just about if you now having received Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior believe you are saved from the demise of the eternal tortures of Hell or not. Part of this faith walk is about do you consistently believe that Jesus Christ can and has delivered you from ALLLL of your sins and iniquities!?! Do you believe just as He has saved you from hell He can save you from your porn addiction? Do you believe that just as He saved another person from a life a prostitution He can save you from a live of promiscuity! Do you believe just as you read about other people having their lives turned around after being raped or molested and living a life of confusion that God brings them to grace and mercy and they get married to a Godly man or woman and are unrecognizable that He can do the same thing for you!!!

This is soooo much apart of the lies of rationalization that Satan deals with us and pursuades us to believe.... How do I know? CAUSE I AM GING THROUGH IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!

Becoming more mature in Christ is a crazy rollercoaster of love, joy, pain, suffering in transformation, emotional, unseemingly not fair, not always fun or easy.... It is real!!!

I am going through this right now! I am at a crossroads trying to do the right thing but it is just not as easy as I would love for it to be. I want recognizable change in my life in order to walk in to the covenant of a God filled and founded marriage with my husband.

The funny thing is marriage has always been something I knew was right and of God but something I was never concerned with... I am still not really concerned with it except for the fact that now I know within my heart that I am someones wife. It is not neccessarily a choice I feel like I made... But a command for me, like as if the Lord is telling me " I created you to be the help mate to one of my chosen and loved sons... and here you are still fooling around not preparing yourself for him .... in the long run this is not helping anyone but hurting him instead!"

WoW!! I just kinda shocked myself with that statement! Is this what we the church are doing to Christ!?! Are too busy lollygagin around not preparing ourselves for our husband Jesus the Christ. In which it is not helping us nor him but just prolonging a God sanctified and ordained uinon!!! JESUS!!!

WHY??? Why are we doing this?

I can only speak from my current situation and say it is because we have been caught up in multiple love affairs... 1.) with the world.... the world tells us we are beautiful (from it's stand point) . The world tells us that we were really created to be like this - "free" and promiscuous, that we were born with sexual urges and desires "surely God understands for He is the one who created you like this... He has to understand that 'people have needs' or better yet that 'this is what is required of me to be in a relationship, to have sex with the person I care about. A relationship will not be real or normal if we wait and work on being holy in marriage"... ALL LIES!!! According to the Bible and the Word of God this is not what sex was intended for at all.... God is clear that yes He created sex to 1.) reprocriate 2.) for husband and wife to celebrate and draw closer to each other through the actions and intimacies that sex brings together and 3.) for you the individual within the marriage to enjoy it!

2.) the other lover we are too busy being involved with is ourselves! Whenever I read the scripture about the Holy Spirit living in me and how I should reverance the body that CHrist paid the ultimate price for on the cross .... unfortunantly it all goes blah, blah blah... I know, right blasphemy!!!! But it does!!! Why!?!

Because I don't know what exactly is bad and evil about my sinful nature because to my flesh and natural self it's not sin. It's just me being me and acting "normal". When I read about Christ paying the ultimate price on Calvary for my sins... why do I not always shut down with reverance and complete humility and obedience? Because I am too small of a man to understand the emencity of God, none the less the danger of Satan, none the less the dangers of sin, none the less Christ's suffering on the cross that technically should have been me but he took my sins upon himself... oh yeah .... mine and every other living human being to ever walk, breathe or blink on this earth.... AMAZING!!! (smh)

Even if this wasn't an amazing truth but an amazing action story turned into and triple film.... why is the posibbilities of a 3 part film more believeable than a the Word of God.

Why can't I stop masturbating just knowing the Amazing story of a Saviour and an Awesomely Wonderful God who gave up the only pure and precious thing that he had - His only begotten son so that He may have a real transparent heart to heart relationship with me! Me and my ole perverted, sinful, lying, confused, self absorbed derriere!!!

It still makes no sense to me and yet this story (if not even a faith) involves ME!! Why is it it so hard for me to let go of this world and let go of myself and embrace God's Perfect ... PERFECT! will for my life? And not just embrace it, to only be saved from myself and but embrace it for myself - to be a pillar, an example, and a standing warrior for others to get out of their dire situations. To also get out from either being in the middle of a war between good and evil or to get from the side of evil and come to the side of good.

For God is good and His Love/Mercy endures forever....

JESUS!! You see this... Help me... Help me to change... help me to understand...

Thank you,
-J.