I did not know that she was a common visitor/guest in my life until 2002 when it was very apparent that something was not normal about my sleep, eating and energy cycle. I became very nocturnal and could practically never wake up and get to class. When my symptoms began to scare me when I began to feel enclosed in my own room. I immediately looked into cabin fever because I have always been a person quite content with my surroundings and space.
For Christ sake I am an only child! I am use to being alone in my own space. It has never bothered me out of the ordinary in the 21 years I was living! But this time I literally felt to walls caving in on me... uhhh.... Not cool!! Sheessh!!
So, I immediately called my nurse practitioner and told her what was going on and how I felt. She immediately began to do research and look at my school records. She called in to meet with her in about at weeks time (a week goes by) and on my next meeting I could tell by her expression it wasn't good.
Joelle you have what we think is "Sesonal Affective Disorder" or "S.A.D." words to this day I am thankful for and resent all at the same time!
In my strength and stubbornness I do not want to be a labeled as a person who deals/manages depression as well as possibly suffered from it at one point in time. I know too well how society views depressive people. And to add to it even more people of color look at depression and a 'white persons' sickness... A lie straight from the pit of hell!!! If anything it should be minorities more depressed then white folks with all the bullshit we have had to deal with! Sh*t why the Fu*k are so many white people depressed now that I think about it. You have way more of an advantage then others!!! *sigh*
Anyway, I digress... All this to say my depression is triggered with the decrease of daylight/sunlight .... coming in of the Fall season and better yet Winter ... arrghh. I have learned how to keep myself motivated in the middle of the time. I realize if anything by having this issue does not disable me but if anything it makes me stronger! Mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually!
I am currently reading Terrie M. Williams book entitled : "Real Talk for When There's nowhere to go but up Black Pain; It Just Looks like we're not Hurting"
The book is really, really, really good! It is so relieving to read the statistic, medical information and personal stories on depression and it's different faces and how it shows it self daily in your life or the lives of others you know of!
Hmm.... very interesting! But I am very thankful for this book and for Mz. Terrie M. Williams. Thank you!
God Bless,
-J.
